What a load of crap

So according to an article in the National Post, our (as in you and me in the good ol’ U S of A) voracious use of toilet paper is destroying Canada’s forests and causing widespread environmental damage.

The report gave failing grades to the leading toilet paper, tissue and paper towel brands for using only virgin fiber pulp, mostly from Canada’s old boreal forests.

If true, then that’s a pretty sad state for the Canadian logging industry, have they not been reseeding the forest? Perhaps it’s a poor example of land management or just bad business? Maybe we are using too much toilet paper? Anyway, what soiled my fluffy square of virgin fiber pulp was voracious. And what’s wrong with a fluffy square, or two, or seven anyway!? Have you ever used a cheap brand? It’s like using sandpaper. There’s imagery for you.

I’ve grown accustomed to the never-ending finger-pointing we get from the rest of the world. Every issue out there is America’s fault. And now this? Voracious butt-wipers? Stupid Charmin Bears and their campaign against left-behind-bits of inferior paper.

 

If we replaced toilet paper with bidets, the world would blame us of misusing fresh water. But it’s okay for Europe to do it. Socialists always get a pass. We definitely can’t go the route of adult baby-wipes. The clogs they contribute to in sewer systems is beyond gross (see Fatberg clogs UK sewer). Maybe the future is in shells:

Don’t get me wrong; I’m all for saving the planet butt (pun intended) until there’s an alternative that won’t thin out Canada’s old forests, clog up sewers, pollute the ocean depths, and be gentle to my rear end, toilet paper will remain an arm reach away.

I’ve ranted, I should nap now. Read the story on NationalPost